I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
