i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away