walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.