He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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Actions speak louder than pants.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
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Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed