we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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