seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
