Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
