I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
