It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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