i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
