in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
