South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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