Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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