Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize