forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
