when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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