I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
