I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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