when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
