this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I love you.
Bad choice
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
