we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize