She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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