...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
