I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
