You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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