im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
