i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i think my tv is drunk
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
