If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
