True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize