I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
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