Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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