there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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