is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
