Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
