mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
