we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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