I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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