I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm bleeding and have questions
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
