my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
