What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
