hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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