Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
