Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
