Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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