she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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