Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
