On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
