Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
