sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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