Nicole vs. Life
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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