i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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