To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
