Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
