it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
