what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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