Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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