It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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