Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
