i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
