The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
