As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
