Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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