This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
