Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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