Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
