My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
