he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
