She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
