my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
