True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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