He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize