I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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