At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
