I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
