the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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