i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
